My dad's in a vegetative state - essentially brain dead. So the paperwork my mom is filing is basically granting the Power and protection that comes with pulling the plug.
I've posted my feelings on what I think of the *** ***kicker, and even though I wouldn't wish this kind of thing on anybody, all I can do is feel indifferent about the old geezer, while my heart aches for my mom, and the suffering she's going through, considering all the people she cared about who died under circumstances as devastating as this.
Her father died of Alzheimer's, one of her brother's died to aids/HIV, I'm not sure which, her mother died of food poisoning coupled with kidney failure, one of her other brothers, died of colon cancer after having part of his colon removed, her brother in law died of a heart attack/heart disease, and so on. All long term suffering effects, but I think the most brutal was watching her father suffer from Alzheimer's, and forgetting who she was.
SO while I would also like to go out like a boss in my own way, that power is forever out of my father's hands. He hasn't the got the cognitive motor skills left to do so, much less the strength. He's been put into a medically induced coma for the foreseeable future, until the time comes.
He's been a grade A *** to everyone around him his entire life. Family, friends, he made a lifetime legacy of alienating everyone around him. Granted his age, I still don't think that Chemo was the best option, particularly before his first therapy session he was doing transfusions to clear up a blood infection - which came back stronger than ever because he had a white blood cell deficiency after the treatment. However, he made the call upon a medical specialist's recommendation to accept it while he was still of sound mind.
The horrible feeling I have right now, is because I feel pretty indifferent towards him, even considering the circumstances. It would honestly make me feel better if I could hate him, love him, or something in between.