|
|
Romantically frustrated?
 Sylph.Kimble
サーバ: Sylph
Game: FFXI
Posts: 2912
By Sylph.Kimble 2011-03-23 05:12:49
Bismarck.Xdudemanx said: Sylph.Kimble said: the percent that end up alone, prob have low self esteem or didn't try that hard. thats honestly one of my problems i have noticed lately..my self esteem is just fine its just that i dont put enough effort into it sometimes
Yeah, then there are those who get in a relationship and it fails because they dont put much effort into it once they are together.
サーバ: Ifrit
Game: FFXI
Posts: 2113
By Ifrit.Bloodbathboy 2011-03-23 05:20:19
I have done that myself Kim....
 Bismarck.Xdudemanx
サーバ: Bismarck
Game: FFXI
Posts: 2014
By Bismarck.Xdudemanx 2011-03-23 05:23:29
Sylph.Kimble said: Bismarck.Xdudemanx said: Sylph.Kimble said: the percent that end up alone, prob have low self esteem or didn't try that hard. thats honestly one of my problems i have noticed lately..my self esteem is just fine its just that i dont put enough effort into it sometimes
Yeah, then there are those who get in a relationship and it fails because they dont put much effort into it once they are together. yea thats true..i usually try when im in a relationship but then again i havent been in a serious relationship in 5 years..month flings here n there but
edit: but yea guess i just dont try anymore is why they were just flingS?
Sylph.Kimble
サーバ: Sylph
Game: FFXI
Posts: 2912
By Sylph.Kimble 2011-03-23 05:27:43
Meh, there are also times in your life where you just dont need/want/ready for a relationship. Nothing is wrong with that. Im sure if someone came along that interest you enough, you would go for it and try.
By zahrah 2011-03-23 05:28:20
Bismarck.Xdudemanx said: Quetzalcoatl.Khrnos said: Asura.Vyre said: What I hate is that I am finding it harder and harder to be able to be a "nice" guy. I'd been raised with the classical view that a man respects ladies. Holds doors, walks on the street side of the path, and all that other stuff. I did it out of habit, and in the small town I am from no one ever said anything bad about it, and most women thanked me for it. I never expected to get laid or to get a girlfriend solely by being kind. By showing what should be common courtesy, but apparently I was wrong on two counts.
1. A lot of nice guys expect a return on their kindness. It's not done out of courtesy as much as it used to be. Plus, every man on the western side of the globe does this. I felt really stupid after I realized how long it took me to realize this.
2. Women view a lot of that ***the same way the guys do, except in the reverse, "He's holding the door for me, he probably expects me to think that it's so kind of him." They also view it as submissive/unconfident behavior. Some even find it disgusting.
I've been told before that holding doors for women makes me a loser, and in a way it really breaks my heart. Not because some woman got in a pissy mood because she's a ***, but because every time my courtesy is spat on it disrespects not only me, but my family and the people who raised me. I have not changed my behavior. I continue to hold doors and all that stuff, and not surprisingly I don't get flirted with or hit on very much. I'm a nice guy. A nice guy who looks for long term relationship potential. I'm also young, and as much as I want a relationship for physical/emotional/sexual needs, I know that it's going to be a long while before I find anyone who desires someone such as myself. It also may not be prudent to even have a relationship at this point in my life. It's why I didn't even take an interest in having a relationship at all, until high school, but even then I realized the futility of starting anything serious.
I really don't think you should focus on every woman who has rejected you, or who hasn't reciprocated your feelings. In fact, if you aren't even out on your own, in my opinion, you should enjoy any relationship that you have, even start some for physical recess, but don't expect it to endure.
Also I agree with Schutz. Sure, more women than ever before make the first move on the dating/relationship scene, but it's still nowhere near how many men MUST make the first move. That's the difference. Most women do not have to act to find a partner. Most men do, otherwise it's foreveralone for sure.
I feel you man. I don't think it's bad or submissive behavior to treat a woman with respect and courtesy but at the same time you must not let that override yourself. To put it simply, don't put her before yourself for no other reason other than to be respectful and courteous. Don't be afraid to make a move because of that. Don't be afraid to speak out against her or challenge her because of that.
The big problem with "nice guys" is that they often put a woman on a pedestal, and value her so much that they are afraid of doing anything that might upset her even in the slightest. thats a pretty good read...i was also raised to treat women with respect..not just women but anyone in general...some girls just get the wrong idea sometimes i guess
zahrah said: Bismarck.Xdudemanx said: is it just me or do the girls who claim they hate drama always have some sort of drama around them like they thrive off of it...saying they hate it when they are so full of ***it pisses me off
Yeah. And watch out for the ones that say, "I only have guy friends because they are the only one I can relate with." ive heard a lot of girls say that too lol
Yeah. If girls think these girls aren't worth being around that's a good indication that they are just uber *** that other girls don't want to be around. I have had a couple of fair-weather friends that are like that. Those are usually the *** (yeah, harsh, but true) that are always complaining about their unfulfilled love-life when the rest of us have the "WTF?" look drawn across our faces.
Bismarck.Xdudemanx
サーバ: Bismarck
Game: FFXI
Posts: 2014
By Bismarck.Xdudemanx 2011-03-23 05:38:10
Sylph.Kimble said: Meh, there are also times in your life where you just dont need/want/ready for a relationship. Nothing is wrong with that. Im sure if someone came along that interest you enough, you would go for it and try. exactly
Bismarck.Xdudemanx
サーバ: Bismarck
Game: FFXI
Posts: 2014
By Bismarck.Xdudemanx 2011-03-23 05:39:23
zahrah said: Bismarck.Xdudemanx said: Quetzalcoatl.Khrnos said: Asura.Vyre said: What I hate is that I am finding it harder and harder to be able to be a "nice" guy. I'd been raised with the classical view that a man respects ladies. Holds doors, walks on the street side of the path, and all that other stuff. I did it out of habit, and in the small town I am from no one ever said anything bad about it, and most women thanked me for it. I never expected to get laid or to get a girlfriend solely by being kind. By showing what should be common courtesy, but apparently I was wrong on two counts.
1. A lot of nice guys expect a return on their kindness. It's not done out of courtesy as much as it used to be. Plus, every man on the western side of the globe does this. I felt really stupid after I realized how long it took me to realize this.
2. Women view a lot of that ***the same way the guys do, except in the reverse, "He's holding the door for me, he probably expects me to think that it's so kind of him." They also view it as submissive/unconfident behavior. Some even find it disgusting.
I've been told before that holding doors for women makes me a loser, and in a way it really breaks my heart. Not because some woman got in a pissy mood because she's a ***, but because every time my courtesy is spat on it disrespects not only me, but my family and the people who raised me. I have not changed my behavior. I continue to hold doors and all that stuff, and not surprisingly I don't get flirted with or hit on very much. I'm a nice guy. A nice guy who looks for long term relationship potential. I'm also young, and as much as I want a relationship for physical/emotional/sexual needs, I know that it's going to be a long while before I find anyone who desires someone such as myself. It also may not be prudent to even have a relationship at this point in my life. It's why I didn't even take an interest in having a relationship at all, until high school, but even then I realized the futility of starting anything serious.
I really don't think you should focus on every woman who has rejected you, or who hasn't reciprocated your feelings. In fact, if you aren't even out on your own, in my opinion, you should enjoy any relationship that you have, even start some for physical recess, but don't expect it to endure.
Also I agree with Schutz. Sure, more women than ever before make the first move on the dating/relationship scene, but it's still nowhere near how many men MUST make the first move. That's the difference. Most women do not have to act to find a partner. Most men do, otherwise it's foreveralone for sure.
I feel you man. I don't think it's bad or submissive behavior to treat a woman with respect and courtesy but at the same time you must not let that override yourself. To put it simply, don't put her before yourself for no other reason other than to be respectful and courteous. Don't be afraid to make a move because of that. Don't be afraid to speak out against her or challenge her because of that.
The big problem with "nice guys" is that they often put a woman on a pedestal, and value her so much that they are afraid of doing anything that might upset her even in the slightest. thats a pretty good read...i was also raised to treat women with respect..not just women but anyone in general...some girls just get the wrong idea sometimes i guess
zahrah said: Bismarck.Xdudemanx said: is it just me or do the girls who claim they hate drama always have some sort of drama around them like they thrive off of it...saying they hate it when they are so full of ***it pisses me off
Yeah. And watch out for the ones that say, "I only have guy friends because they are the only one I can relate with." ive heard a lot of girls say that too lol
Yeah. If girls think these girls aren't worth being around that's a good indication that they are just uber *** that other girls don't want to be around. I have had a couple of fair-weather friends that are like that. Those are usually the *** (yeah, harsh, but true) that are always complaining about their unfulfilled love-life when the rest of us have the "WTF?" look drawn across our faces. word
By zahrah 2011-03-23 05:49:16
Bismarck.Xdudemanx said: zahrah said: Bismarck.Xdudemanx said: Quetzalcoatl.Khrnos said: Asura.Vyre said: What I hate is that I am finding it harder and harder to be able to be a "nice" guy. I'd been raised with the classical view that a man respects ladies. Holds doors, walks on the street side of the path, and all that other stuff. I did it out of habit, and in the small town I am from no one ever said anything bad about it, and most women thanked me for it. I never expected to get laid or to get a girlfriend solely by being kind. By showing what should be common courtesy, but apparently I was wrong on two counts.
1. A lot of nice guys expect a return on their kindness. It's not done out of courtesy as much as it used to be. Plus, every man on the western side of the globe does this. I felt really stupid after I realized how long it took me to realize this.
2. Women view a lot of that ***the same way the guys do, except in the reverse, "He's holding the door for me, he probably expects me to think that it's so kind of him." They also view it as submissive/unconfident behavior. Some even find it disgusting.
I've been told before that holding doors for women makes me a loser, and in a way it really breaks my heart. Not because some woman got in a pissy mood because she's a ***, but because every time my courtesy is spat on it disrespects not only me, but my family and the people who raised me. I have not changed my behavior. I continue to hold doors and all that stuff, and not surprisingly I don't get flirted with or hit on very much. I'm a nice guy. A nice guy who looks for long term relationship potential. I'm also young, and as much as I want a relationship for physical/emotional/sexual needs, I know that it's going to be a long while before I find anyone who desires someone such as myself. It also may not be prudent to even have a relationship at this point in my life. It's why I didn't even take an interest in having a relationship at all, until high school, but even then I realized the futility of starting anything serious.
I really don't think you should focus on every woman who has rejected you, or who hasn't reciprocated your feelings. In fact, if you aren't even out on your own, in my opinion, you should enjoy any relationship that you have, even start some for physical recess, but don't expect it to endure.
Also I agree with Schutz. Sure, more women than ever before make the first move on the dating/relationship scene, but it's still nowhere near how many men MUST make the first move. That's the difference. Most women do not have to act to find a partner. Most men do, otherwise it's foreveralone for sure.
I feel you man. I don't think it's bad or submissive behavior to treat a woman with respect and courtesy but at the same time you must not let that override yourself. To put it simply, don't put her before yourself for no other reason other than to be respectful and courteous. Don't be afraid to make a move because of that. Don't be afraid to speak out against her or challenge her because of that.
The big problem with "nice guys" is that they often put a woman on a pedestal, and value her so much that they are afraid of doing anything that might upset her even in the slightest. thats a pretty good read...i was also raised to treat women with respect..not just women but anyone in general...some girls just get the wrong idea sometimes i guess
zahrah said: Bismarck.Xdudemanx said: is it just me or do the girls who claim they hate drama always have some sort of drama around them like they thrive off of it...saying they hate it when they are so full of ***it pisses me off
Yeah. And watch out for the ones that say, "I only have guy friends because they are the only one I can relate with." ive heard a lot of girls say that too lol
Yeah. If girls think these girls aren't worth being around that's a good indication that they are just uber *** that other girls don't want to be around. I have had a couple of fair-weather friends that are like that. Those are usually the *** (yeah, harsh, but true) that are always complaining about their unfulfilled love-life when the rest of us have the "WTF?" look drawn across our faces. word
I'm glad that made sense to you! Sorry, geeking out in the music thread like nobody's business!
Ramuh.Lorzy
サーバ: Ramuh
Game: FFXI
Posts: 1356
By Ramuh.Lorzy 2011-03-23 05:59:14
there are probably a lot of reasons some girls have more male than female friends; personally i wouldn't use it as the only reason to stay away from someone.
サーバ: Ifrit
Game: FFXI
Posts: 2113
By Ifrit.Bloodbathboy 2011-03-23 06:01:57
Women are easy, you guys will be fine.
[+]
 Carbuncle.Sevourn
サーバ: Carbuncle
Game: FFXI
Posts: 9481
By Carbuncle.Sevourn 2011-03-23 06:18:54
Asura.Sandolphon said: Studies show that there is a direct correlation between the amount of girls you get and the more you look like a uterus.
i'm pretty sure there isn't :(
By zahrah 2011-03-23 07:33:52
Ifrit.Bloodbathboy said: Women are easy, you guys will be fine.
And people think I'm making matters over simplistic? Back to the music thread with me.
[+]
By Wombat 2011-03-23 08:03:26
22 page thread is 22 pages, so I dunno if this has been said, but:
If you're struggling to communicate with the opposite sex, 95% of the time it's because you're trying too hard.
Chill out, lighten up, and don't take it so seriously. There's no formula for how you're supposed to be or act.
If someone ends up thinking you're a moron, that's fine--tons of people don't get you and never will. Courage in dealing with the opposite sex, comes from having peace with that.
[+]
 Bahamut.Lolserj
サーバ: Bahamut
Game: FFXI
Posts: 3295
By Bahamut.Lolserj 2011-03-23 08:22:29
zahrah said: Fenrir.Schutz said: zahrah said: Women do approach men. You know that, right? It's not 1949 anymore. So, yes, it's easy to simplify.
You are correct, but I am not sure you are extending empathy further beyond your own experiences. ^^ It's not an attack on you, just saying it's not necessarily as easy as it seems.
No offense taken.
I do see where the guy who went to an all-boys' Catholic school (sorry, his name escapes me at the moment) has been socially handicapped because of not being able to immerse himself in the situations that most teenagers go through, but I really just don't understand it. Adults should be able to speak to other adults without tension.
Relationships start anywhere. It's just a matter of not stressing over it.
it wasn't even a catholic school
was a prep school my mom made me go to cause she worked there and i could go for free
サーバ: Sylph
Game: FFXI
Posts: 3663
By Sylph.Beelshamen 2011-03-23 08:36:24
I'm... culturally different than the majority of the people in the country I live.
Which makes it.. difficult for me to make any moves. And quite frankly, most of the time I have no desire to do so.
I've had relationships, but they were painfully shortlived.
[+]
 Valefor.Bloodcat
サーバ: Valefor
Game: FFXI
Posts: 24
By Valefor.Bloodcat 2011-03-23 11:43:46
I want a girlfriend =(
サーバ: Fenrir
Game: FFXI
Posts: 646
By Fenrir.Fearforever 2011-03-23 11:44:15
Should make another one called Sexually frustrated that'll get some replies :P
[+]
サーバ: Ifrit
Game: FFXI
Posts: 24692
By Ifrit.Kungfuhustle 2011-03-23 11:46:00
OP, are you trying to *** yourself out to both men and women?
I don't understand this thread.
Cerberus.Rayik
サーバ: Cerberus
Game: FFXI
Posts: 924
By Cerberus.Rayik 2011-03-23 13:35:29
endlessrapture said: Bahamut.Lolserj said: i do kind of hate how some people know how to talk to women and i dont
they always tend to be douchebags and they always seem to get the girls
is there something about women and liking total ***
yeah nice guys finish last women dont like pussies who they know they can walk all over they want a man!
Or, as it was explained to me:
"Girls don't want pussies, they already have one. Man up."
Nice guys don't have to finish last, but from my experience girls in the 18-25ish area age-wise who aren't trying to start a family want to go out and have fun. Don't be a wet blanket or a doormat.
And for any of you guys in the "friend zone", move on. Right now. That ***is unchangeable. Still be friends, but look elsewhere for a date. Seriously, no matter what she says, if she isn't dating you now, SHE'S NOT GOING TO. Be polite, be a good guy, but don't be a freakin' butler. Make her get her own drink out of the fridge. Let her pay her own way at the movies. Life is not an 80's romantic comedy; the girl never goes for the goofy best friend; she takes the jock every single time.
*based solely on my 32 years of existence. YMMV
disclaimer
I was the "nice guy", and I got friend-zoned more often than Steve Urkel. I got walked on like the doormat I made myself out to be. I wound up being this psycho girl's lap dog for years until I had enough to moved the hell on. A few years later I found my loving wife. I've never looked back.
The friend-***doesn't work. You'll never "convince" her you're the right guy. Yes, she is probably well aware of your feelings, and if she hasn't reciprocated those intentions back, she's using you. John Hughes lied!
Asura.Vyre
Forum Moderator
サーバ: Asura
Game: FFXI
Posts: 16594
By Asura.Vyre 2011-03-23 13:37:56
What I was getting at Josiah is that it was not me over thinking my gestures, but rather it was the women. There've been times where I open the door for some women or a woman and a man, never really thinking anything about it, and then suddenly some *** is down my throat or some guy is telling me that I'm a loser.
Also usually what I've done to show my interest in women that I like are usually overt. Possiblely even in the extreme at times. Like a dozen roses in a vase on this one girl's desk in high school, or when I bought a white wolf fur when I was in Greece and gave it to this girl at my college. Also usually I'm friends with the girls I take serious interest in for quite a while beforehand. There is no reason to be subtle if you are romantically interested in a person, that is, unless they have a spouse/partner. Coy games are not my thing.
Cerberus.Kiori
サーバ: Cerberus
Game: FFXI
Posts: 298
By Cerberus.Kiori 2011-03-23 13:48:17
Asura.Vyre said: What I was getting at Josiah is that it was not me over thinking my gestures, but rather it was the women. There've been times where I open the door for some women or a woman and a man, never really thinking anything about it, and then suddenly some *** is down my throat or some guy is telling me that I'm a loser.
Also usually what I've done to show my interest in women that I like are usually overt. Possiblely even in the extreme at times. Like a dozen roses in a vase on this one girl's desk in high school, or when I bought a white wolf fur when I was in Greece and gave it to this girl at my college. Also usually I'm friends with the girls I take serious interest in for quite a while beforehand. There is no reason to be subtle if you are romantically interested in a person, that is, unless they have a spouse/partner. Coy games are not my thing. The saying goes "you can't please everyone" Some women don't mind a man being nice and opening doors for them, while others will find it threatening...(woman rights and such...this is how i view why they react negatively) Don't let the ones that don't find your gesture kind get to you... Honestly...you can't say for everyone bad response there isn't a nice one that makes it worth it.
[+]
Cerberus.Rayik
サーバ: Cerberus
Game: FFXI
Posts: 924
By Cerberus.Rayik 2011-03-23 13:53:48
Cerberus.Kiori said: Asura.Vyre said: What I was getting at Josiah is that it was not me over thinking my gestures, but rather it was the women. There've been times where I open the door for some women or a woman and a man, never really thinking anything about it, and then suddenly some *** is down my throat or some guy is telling me that I'm a loser.
Also usually what I've done to show my interest in women that I like are usually overt. Possiblely even in the extreme at times. Like a dozen roses in a vase on this one girl's desk in high school, or when I bought a white wolf fur when I was in Greece and gave it to this girl at my college. Also usually I'm friends with the girls I take serious interest in for quite a while beforehand. There is no reason to be subtle if you are romantically interested in a person, that is, unless they have a spouse/partner. Coy games are not my thing. The saying goes "you can't please everyone" Some women don't mind a man being nice and opening doors for them, while others will find it threatening...(woman rights and such...this is how i view why they react negatively) Don't let the ones that don't find your gesture kind get to you... Honestly...you can't say for everyone bad response there isn't a nice one that makes it worth it.
I open doors for my wife, she appreciates the gesture. But, I remember dating a girl once when I was 19 who would run ahead of me and push me out of the way so I couldn't open a door for her. Any remotely chivalrous act creeped her out. Needless to say it didn't last long.
サーバ: Odin
Game: FFXI
Posts: 3306
By Odin.Headstrong 2011-03-23 14:14:32
nothing wrong with nice guys, really <.<
i will always appreciate it if someone holds a door open for me or something like that
what i do not like at all tho is presents D:
makes me feel like someone is trying to "buy" me..
(big things, not something like a rose, thats more like a gesture for me and me likes)
By Lye 2011-03-23 14:19:56
Ramuh.Rowland said: /jaded
On the plus side, I have 7 evil exs so I can pretend I'm Scott Pilgrim.
Wouldn't that make you Ramona Flowers?
[+]
By Lye 2011-03-23 14:25:48
Is one of them a man from your "bi-curious" youth?
|
|
