I have a solution to all of our problems.
We overthrow the government and install a new government system. A monarchy. Naturally, you'll want someone who has experience being a king. I'm not going to name any names, but I believe we all know someone who is more than capable of such a big task.
I lied, I am naming names. It's me.
Here are my promises to the new United Kingdom of America:
Equal rights for all people, regardless of gender race or sexual preference. Unless, of course, you bad mouth me.
Flat tax system. We all pay the same percentage, rich and poor.
A tire fire in every state. Gives us tire disposal, warmth, and can be used as a fuel source once reactor technology has grown.
Larger recycling program.
Shift towards renewable energy.
High speed internet for all.
Weekly pineapple *** pounding for Comcast's CEO. Not a small pineapple either.
Repair crumbling infrastructure.
Reduce foreign aid to countries who openly oppose us.
Finally Save Private Ryan.
Public executions are going to be a thing again.
No more 9+ month election seasons.
Reduce sushi prices.
Healthcare overhaul. By that I mean there will be none.
Finally figure out why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
New flag.
As you can see, I truly can make America great again. So remember, a vote for Meshi is a vote for freedom.
