I've known two female players. They were 13 and 10 years old when I met them.
I think I could count the number of ladies I met in FFXI in XI's hey day on my fingers and toes.
But like half of the ones I'm thinking about are ladies I met on this forum and not in game, lol.
But let's see... off the top of my head...
Ishadowl - LS Leads Fiancee who inevitably cheated on him with other LS member IRL
Noobergoober - Same LS Lead's younger sister who had her PC ripped out of the wall for continuing to talk/play with me after I got kicked out of that LS
Mayadeh - LS token RDM always drunk on wine in Dynamis in VoIP. Canadian
Kahlannfaith - 20 something lady, also RDM, who shared her problems with me a lot, most of which pertained to her SAM boyfriend who was her BF IRL and was mildly abusive/manipulative. That, "13 year old me helping a 25 year old woman through her first divorce" meme sort of applies here
Karianna - Cutie patootie lady from California that quit and gave me 10 million gil.
Qoh - Queen of Hearts lady from Valdosta. Huge Falcons fan. Played on Dial Up. Showed me the way on my intro into XI endgame.
Fayla - WHM main that I don't remember too well.
Symoan - WHM main during Abyssea era. Married to a THF who was in LS who was in the Navy, and hardly around due to being deployed a lot at the time. She died in her sleep quite unexpectedly at the tender age of 26.
Chuuuuu - FFXIah denizen. Pikachu fan. Funny and cute and has dated a few guys I've known from here and from in game. By the time I met her, her character was mostly just fish botting to supply gil to her BF at the time iirc. Play XIV with her occasionally still.
Daus - FFXIah denizen and artiste. Met on here, played XIV with. She got married to a guy in the Army iirc. Now's a full time RN.
Liela - FFXIah denizen. Haven't seen her post in eons, though. I think her character is still active on Odin, but not sure if it's her playing.
Yomisha - FFXIah denizen. Also haven't seen her post in a bit. Facebook friends. She got married and has a super cute daughter that she's super proud of, in spite of saying on FFXIah years ago that she'd never have kids, heh.
Azraelina - Yandere anime girl and FFXiah denizen. Last I heard she went off with Uriel from here, I think? Dunno what happened after that.
Savannahlynn - FFXIah denizen. I think she married Krizz and they still play XI together?
Fyris(Soree) - My ex. Used to post art here on FFXIah, but also mainly on Deviantart. Got to know her through Deviantart, and we played XI together after that for about 2 years and some change.
Petisu - FFXI artiste. Met through Deviantart. Never played the game with her, but she is a precious cinnamon roll.
Niniann - FFXIah denizen and resident perv. Got married quite a while back and gave up on her pervy ways.
Zahrah - FFXIah denizen. Uber cute architect from TX as I remember. Hasn't posted here in a coon's age, but was one of the FFXIah LS Ni regular posters for a long time.
Kalila - FFXIah denizen and purple haver. Gave up posting here due to not liking the atmosphere after a while. Played a ton of XIV with her and her husband Dameion (he's one of my besties).
So like... 8 met in game. 11 met on FFXIah or other sites before in game. Over the course of 20 years. With the last in game one met around 2011(Symoan).
Ladies will/have played, the atmosphere just has to be to their liking.