It's so different for each person coming out. It was 10 years ago in February for me that I first started coming out to my family, and family members are still finding out (last uncle found out this past Easter and I see him often enough, just was never close with him). It wasn't bad at all for me, all my sisters understood, my mom was hesitant for awhile, and my dad never knew, nor his side of the family (due to their pat robertson/glenn beck/rush limbaugh mentality they carry).
On the other hand, when my boyfriend came out, his father became very angry and they grew apart for awhile. His father even threatened him, and said he'd never come to a holiday that he'd host with his partner. Well, he showed up this Thanksgiving and had a good time.
I've heard stories both good and bad, it's hard to give advice on how to approach it, but when it's all said and done, it feels great.
i /nosebleed every time i see oumura's avatar... (and hope it magically shows the whole picture if i look at it hard enough >.>;;)
Yah everyones "coming out" is different. Just do it at the pace that makes u comfortable. Don't let anyone rush u into it till ur ready.
the whole process can be really easy depending on ur family, friends, and of course where u live at. If you live near a big metropolitan city in the US (or whichever country) then it prolly will be easier than u think.
So I am looking at possibly coming back into the game. I want some people's opinions later on about perhaps what server I should play on. The default right now would be to just wait it out and see how I feel later, but here, on the forums, and in this tread, I've met a lot of you hat I would love to join, instead.
I'm a Bi fellow, currently my character is on Odin, but i think that I would like to make a move of I did come back to the game. I hold just a few well geared 90s but I remember having been very skilled at those jobs.
So if anyone of yall would look into a spot for a Tarutaru BLM THF MNK SMN > WHM > WAR > COR Let me know.
For anyone who remembers me. I look forward to sending you a PM so that I could chat with you about other things as well as ffxi.
I've been lurking in the forum for a while, but always kinda hiding. Back when I was working I had no time on my hands, and I quit that job 2 months ago for my health. I'm in a bit of a dead zone and could use some time back on 11 to keep my spirits up. (My friends have been doing things that get me feeling all nostalgic.) I'll check back in on the forums tomorrow and more regularly from then on, I look forward to meeting those of you I haven't met before, and reconnecting with those of you who I have.
Hey Tohi! Cute pictures. :D I've only seen one other girlka in my years. She played it for the same reasons you do. :P She wanted to feel huge, and thought that she could hit stuff with her tail. xD
Galka should be able to hit things with their big tails ;; hehe its fun punching puny beastmen in the face, on Tohi most of them are ether same size as her or bigger (well besides Gobs) but right now...much more fun to nuke Antica to death ^^
I was called the Vana'Diel Brock for awhile..just cause I could tell what Galka was who (face models) by the grunts...ahh also if I ever learn dats.. I'd like to fix the pumpkin hat/mask so it doesn't cover their entire face ;;
i'll probably wait a little while longer to get my thoughts in order and work up the nerve to just do it.
i do actually live outside the largest city in the state, i really think i dont need to worry much about negative reception, with the bit of family i live with at least.
i'll probably wait a little while longer to get my thoughts in order and work up the nerve to just do it.
i do actually live outside the largest city in the state, i really think i dont need to worry much about negative reception, with the bit of family i live with at least.
which state? if u dont mind me asking. im well traveled lol
Hey Tohi! Cute pictures. :D I've only seen one other girlka in my years. She played it for the same reasons you do. :P She wanted to feel huge, and thought that she could hit stuff with her tail. xD
Galka should be able to hit things with their big tails ;; hehe its fun punching puny beastmen in the face, on Tohi most of them are ether same size as her or bigger (well besides Gobs) but right now...much more fun to nuke Antica to death ^^
I was called the Vana'Diel Brock for awhile..just cause I could tell what Galka was who (face models) by the grunts...ahh also if I ever learn dats.. I'd like to fix the pumpkin hat/mask so it doesn't cover their entire face ;;
i'll probably wait a little while longer to get my thoughts in order and work up the nerve to just do it.
i do actually live outside the largest city in the state, i really think i dont need to worry much about negative reception, with the bit of family i live with at least.
which state? if u dont mind me asking. im well traveled lol
i've noticed guys since jr. high, but at the time i didnt really know much about stuff. in high school is when i really knew, but i was in denial about it, since it was an awkward thing, and i was never really much into being public about sex and stuff *>.>*
the past few months i've been more accepting of it, i think whats helped me start getting used to the idea is this thread, and also rupaul's drag race..
but i've had some reservations about telling anyone. i've been thinking about it and i think my biggest fear about it is that people will want to have long talks about it, and i'm a very private person, especially on these matters, so the thought of that makes me sick to my stomach..
i've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself i was straight, so its going to take a little more getting used to not doing that..
so.. any advice on an easy way to talk about it? *o.o* after i talk to my immediate family i plan on changing my facebook status and answer questions that follow.. though i might text my best friend beforehand...
I was the same. I was aware of my feelings for guys early on, and took extreme pains to hide the truth from everyone - most importantly, from myself. It worked for awhile; long enough for me to make it safely out of high school in Alabama of all places.
After spending a year and a half at college, a much more accepting atmosphere, I found myself able to sit down and force myself to objectively consider the question of my sexual orientation. There was still no way in hell I was going to tell anyone - until recently, I suffered from severe social anxiety - so I resolved to keep it a secret and spend my life alone.
On New Year's Eve of last year, my sophomore year, I unsuspectingly sat down to watch a movie with my family. Little did anyone know when we put in the DVD, but this movie (Sordid Lives, I highly recommend it^^) carried a heart-wrenchingly touching message of acceptance and hope for people suffering in the closet. It took an inhuman force to keep a straight face (no pun intended lol) at the end when the guy comes out to his homophobic mother, who then gives him like the warmest hug ever.
The 3 days after I watched that movie were the hardest days of my life to date. I knew what I wanted to do - come out - but was so afraid and crushed by anxiety that I became physically ill. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep; it was hell. In the end though, I managed to pull my mom aside and finally let go of almost a decade's worth of lonely suffering.
I had planned out exactly what I wanted to say to her, thinking I could somehow keep it from being too awkward. Eeeeepic fail lol nothing went according to plan. And you know what, everything turned out fine anyway. I really don't think there's an easy way to go about coming out; and to be honest, it's not worth worrying about. If you're sure you want to tell someone - and you're sure you won't be in any danger afterward - my advice is to just tell them you have something important to say, then say it. Thinking too much will only make it harder.
I do not advise posting it on facebook. First of all, a lot of people won't take it seriously; it's a common joke to hijack a friend's account and post a fake coming out status. Second of all, I think it's best to do it face-to-face (as long as you're sure the person won't hurt you or something). Even if you use a status update or a text message to let people know, sooner or later you're going to have to face them in real life. Finally, keep in mind that facebook isn't the least bit secure. Depending on where you're from, you run the very real risk of facing job discrimination in the future.
Another piece of advice: be considerate of your close friends and family. Understand that this could very easily make them uncomfortable. Don't just dump it on them "the ball's in your court" style - try to make it clear that you want to keep the channels of communication open. They may need time to let it sink in; it's crucially important not to push them away, accidentally or not.
Identity is hard. We spend our lives asking ourselves who we are; trying to pin it down, define it. Sexual orientation plays an important role in this question of identity. However, there are so many other things that contribute to our "identity" that it's absurd to even attempt a definition. This comes with a warning: do not lose yourself during the coming out process. Being gay will undeniably have an impact on your life; right now, you're seeking to come out because you feel in your heart that it's what you want to do. But don't restrict your identity to sexual orientation alone - (cliché alert) always let your heart guide you. Don't do things because you're gay and "that's what gay people do." Do them because you truly want to - or don't do them at all.
Coming out is really easy for some people and really hard for others. In any case, be proud that you have the resolve to ask yourself hard questions and make hard decisions. :) Personally, I feel like coming out was a great new beginning to my life - I really wish I had been able to do it sooner - but it's not necessarily always best to let everyone know. In my case, nobody from my hometown knows except my mom (still getting around to my dad and brother lol), but then again I'm from Alabama and not really interested in the drama that would ensue. XD For now, I'm content just being out to my friends on campus.^^
You've got the support of a great community here if you ever need to talk things through. I'm glad that they were here for me last year and I hope things go as well for you as they have for me so far.^^
i'll probably wait a little while longer to get my thoughts in order and work up the nerve to just do it.
i do actually live outside the largest city in the state, i really think i dont need to worry much about negative reception, with the bit of family i live with at least.
which state? if u dont mind me asking. im well traveled lol
NC
Not sure about Charlotte, NC. but ur close to NY and FL that means. The gay communities in Miami and New York are huge, some the biggest in the country. Boston, Washington DC, Orlando also have fairly large communities.
I have a few friends in DC. and the community their is fantastic.
Hey Tohi! Cute pictures. :D I've only seen one other girlka in my years. She played it for the same reasons you do. :P She wanted to feel huge, and thought that she could hit stuff with her tail. xD
Galka should be able to hit things with their big tails ;; hehe its fun punching puny beastmen in the face, on Tohi most of them are ether same size as her or bigger (well besides Gobs) but right now...much more fun to nuke Antica to death ^^
I was called the Vana'Diel Brock for awhile..just cause I could tell what Galka was who (face models) by the grunts...ahh also if I ever learn dats.. I'd like to fix the pumpkin hat/mask so it doesn't cover their entire face ;;
I also used this forum post when I was trying to figure out .DATs. I'm not too good with photoshop though. The hard part is figuring out how your flat, 4 sided image wraps around your 3D character and where everything goes. It can be really confusing.
I ate 1600 calories worth of candy just now. It's not helping me get into a hot, buff body.
But it was so worth it.
Though I feel kind of sick now :<
Or how about you put your sweets into a giant block of ice. By the time you've worked through it with a pickaxe, you'll have burned them off. ;)
Wouldnt work. diffusion would cause sugar molecules to move into the ice. lol so ud be eatting sugar while chewing through the ice
Really? I wouldn't have thought sucrose would have much mobility at lower temperatures through solid ice. :P
Well yes and no. If you can come up with a way to transport the candy directly into the ice block while its still frozen then yes. Sucrose diffusion rate would decrease because of temperature.
Assuming u place in the candy into a mass of water and allow it to freeze over time is was what i was imagining.
Additionally because of the polar charges of H20. Mobility via diffusion is not completely reduced to 0. H20 polar composition actually turns into a honey comb formation while frozen. allowing Van Der Walls to NOT be a factor in diffusion inhibition.
Assuming it wasn't hydrophobic. Try putting a skittle in ethanol and you'll see what I mean ;)
This is way too biochemistry-esque for a joke. Lol
lol its neither. hydrophobicity isnt factor on most sugars usually particular because they are in a class of chemicals known as hydrocarbons. The greater the length of the CH3 chain the less overall charge it posesses. Hense why most hydrocarbons are liquids or gases at room temp. For the fact that their charge is nearly insignificant in ionic/polar charged systems. e.g. water.
Ethanol when mixed with water is a completely different matter. as its not in the same class of hydrocarbons. Ethanol posses a hydroxyl substituent. The hydroxyl substituent does possesses a delta charge similar to that of water. however it again it is reduced by the overall length of the CH3 chain.
Therefor in organic chemistry we uses this to represent the reaction between H20 and EtOh
the extended arrow and length represents that equilibrium would automically favor ethanol as an near inert compound vers a polar compound of EthOH---OH2.
Additionally, H20 polarity would not play a factor because of the fact that in solid state h20 molecules form a crystilline structure. the polar+ charge of the ...0-H-o-H-O-H... e.g. would always take precident because the delta charge of O- and the delta charge of H+ absolute values exceed the delta charge of the hydrocarbon in this case sucrose.
Omfg, two things on my mind:
1) I love you for also being a chem nerd. :3
2) I feel bad that I spent the day on the beach (during Spring Break -_-;) instead of participating in that awesome discussion! xD
Hey Tohi! Cute pictures. :D I've only seen one other girlka in my years. She played it for the same reasons you do. :P She wanted to feel huge, and thought that she could hit stuff with her tail. xD
Galka should be able to hit things with their big tails ;; hehe its fun punching puny beastmen in the face, on Tohi most of them are ether same size as her or bigger (well besides Gobs) but right now...much more fun to nuke Antica to death ^^
I was called the Vana'Diel Brock for awhile..just cause I could tell what Galka was who (face models) by the grunts...ahh also if I ever learn dats.. I'd like to fix the pumpkin hat/mask so it doesn't cover their entire face ;;
I also used this forum post when I was trying to figure out .DATs. I'm not too good with photoshop though. The hard part is figuring out how your flat, 4 sided image wraps around your 3D character and where everything goes. It can be really confusing.
oh yea, i looked at that one too, only briefly though, it helped me with learning recolors
i'll probably wait a little while longer to get my thoughts in order and work up the nerve to just do it.
i do actually live outside the largest city in the state, i really think i dont need to worry much about negative reception, with the bit of family i live with at least.
which state? if u dont mind me asking. im well traveled lol
NC
Not sure about Charlotte, NC. but ur close to NY and FL that means. The gay communities in Miami and New York are huge, some the biggest in the country. Boston, Washington DC, Orlando also have fairly large communities.
I have a few friends in DC. and the community their is fantastic.
wow, i never new that about the east coast, as for charlotte, i havent heard much either, most of it is ghetto neighborhoods though.
i've noticed guys since jr. high, but at the time i didnt really know much about stuff. in high school is when i really knew, but i was in denial about it, since it was an awkward thing, and i was never really much into being public about sex and stuff *>.>*
the past few months i've been more accepting of it, i think whats helped me start getting used to the idea is this thread, and also rupaul's drag race..
but i've had some reservations about telling anyone. i've been thinking about it and i think my biggest fear about it is that people will want to have long talks about it, and i'm a very private person, especially on these matters, so the thought of that makes me sick to my stomach..
i've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself i was straight, so its going to take a little more getting used to not doing that..
so.. any advice on an easy way to talk about it? *o.o* after i talk to my immediate family i plan on changing my facebook status and answer questions that follow.. though i might text my best friend beforehand...
I was the same. I was aware of my feelings for guys early on, and took extreme pains to hide the truth from everyone - most importantly, from myself. It worked for awhile; long enough for me to make it safely out of high school in Alabama of all places.
After spending a year and a half at college, a much more accepting atmosphere, I found myself able to sit down and force myself to objectively consider the question of my sexual orientation. There was still no way in hell I was going to tell anyone - until recently, I suffered from severe social anxiety - so I resolved to keep it a secret and spend my life alone.
On New Year's Eve of last year, my sophomore year, I unsuspectingly sat down to watch a movie with my family. Little did anyone know when we put in the DVD, but this movie (Sordid Lives, I highly recommend it^^) carried a heart-wrenchingly touching message of acceptance and hope for people suffering in the closet. It took an inhuman force to keep a straight face (no pun intended lol) at the end when the guy comes out to his homophobic mother, who then gives him like the warmest hug ever.
The 3 days after I watched that movie were the hardest days of my life to date. I knew what I wanted to do - come out - but was so afraid and crushed by anxiety that I became physically ill. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep; it was hell. In the end though, I managed to pull my mom aside and finally let go of almost a decade's worth of lonely suffering.
I had planned out exactly what I wanted to say to her, thinking I could somehow keep it from being too awkward. Eeeeepic fail lol nothing went according to plan. And you know what, everything turned out fine anyway. I really don't think there's an easy way to go about coming out; and to be honest, it's not worth worrying about. If you're sure you want to tell someone - and you're sure you won't be in any danger afterward - my advice is to just tell them you have something important to say, then say it. Thinking too much will only make it harder.
I do not advise posting it on facebook. First of all, a lot of people won't take it seriously; it's a common joke to hijack a friend's account and post a fake coming out status. Second of all, I think it's best to do it face-to-face (as long as you're sure the person won't hurt you or something). Even if you use a status update or a text message to let people know, sooner or later you're going to have to face them in real life. Finally, keep in mind that facebook isn't the least bit secure. Depending on where you're from, you run the very real risk of facing job discrimination in the future.
Another piece of advice: be considerate of your close friends and family. Understand that this could very easily make them uncomfortable. Don't just dump it on them "the ball's in your court" style - try to make it clear that you want to keep the channels of communication open. They may need time to let it sink in; it's crucially important not to push them away, accidentally or not.
Identity is hard. We spend our lives asking ourselves who we are; trying to pin it down, define it. Sexual orientation plays an important role in this question of identity. However, there are so many other things that contribute to our "identity" that it's absurd to even attempt a definition. This comes with a warning: do not lose yourself during the coming out process. Being gay will undeniably have an impact on your life; right now, you're seeking to come out because you feel in your heart that it's what you want to do. But don't restrict your identity to sexual orientation alone - (cliché alert) always let your heart guide you. Don't do things because you're gay and "that's what gay people do." Do them because you truly want to - or don't do them at all.
Coming out is really easy for some people and really hard for others. In any case, be proud that you have the resolve to ask yourself hard questions and make hard decisions. :) Personally, I feel like coming out was a great new beginning to my life - I really wish I had been able to do it sooner - but it's not necessarily always best to let everyone know. In my case, nobody from my hometown knows except my mom (still getting around to my dad and brother lol), but then again I'm from Alabama and not really interested in the drama that would ensue. XD For now, I'm content just being out to my friends on campus.^^
You've got the support of a great community here if you ever need to talk things through. I'm glad that they were here for me last year and I hope things go as well for you as they have for me so far.^^
this post is just amazing! it was a wonderfully delightful read. the first four paragraphs really hit close to home with me, thats exactly how i feel/have felt at times! thank you for sharing your story, and for the advice =)
I ate 1600 calories worth of candy just now. It's not helping me get into a hot, buff body.
But it was so worth it.
Though I feel kind of sick now :<
Or how about you put your sweets into a giant block of ice. By the time you've worked through it with a pickaxe, you'll have burned them off. ;)
Wouldnt work. diffusion would cause sugar molecules to move into the ice. lol so ud be eatting sugar while chewing through the ice
Really? I wouldn't have thought sucrose would have much mobility at lower temperatures through solid ice. :P
Well yes and no. If you can come up with a way to transport the candy directly into the ice block while its still frozen then yes. Sucrose diffusion rate would decrease because of temperature.
Assuming u place in the candy into a mass of water and allow it to freeze over time is was what i was imagining.
Additionally because of the polar charges of H20. Mobility via diffusion is not completely reduced to 0. H20 polar composition actually turns into a honey comb formation while frozen. allowing Van Der Walls to NOT be a factor in diffusion inhibition.
Assuming it wasn't hydrophobic. Try putting a skittle in ethanol and you'll see what I mean ;)
This is way too biochemistry-esque for a joke. Lol
lol its neither. hydrophobicity isnt factor on most sugars usually particular because they are in a class of chemicals known as hydrocarbons. The greater the length of the CH3 chain the less overall charge it posesses. Hense why most hydrocarbons are liquids or gases at room temp. For the fact that their charge is nearly insignificant in ionic/polar charged systems. e.g. water.
Ethanol when mixed with water is a completely different matter. as its not in the same class of hydrocarbons. Ethanol posses a hydroxyl substituent. The hydroxyl substituent does possesses a delta charge similar to that of water. however it again it is reduced by the overall length of the CH3 chain.
Therefor in organic chemistry we uses this to represent the reaction between H20 and EtOh
the extended arrow and length represents that equilibrium would automically favor ethanol as an near inert compound vers a polar compound of EthOH---OH2.
Additionally, H20 polarity would not play a factor because of the fact that in solid state h20 molecules form a crystilline structure. the polar+ charge of the ...0-H-o-H-O-H... e.g. would always take precident because the delta charge of O- and the delta charge of H+ absolute values exceed the delta charge of the hydrocarbon in this case sucrose.
Omfg, two things on my mind:
1) I love you for also being a chem nerd. :3
2) I feel bad that I spent the day on the beach (during Spring Break -_-;) instead of participating in that awesome discussion! xD
oh why thank you :)
Theres nothing more fun that discussing equilibrium systems involving hydrocarbons on ffxiah in the gay forums.
BTW OMG i love this song... has nothing to do with current discussion lol
SF and LA i knew about, those are probably the most well known XD
I live in LA. I actually live in West Hollywood proper. and its too big for my liking sometimes, but i love it. lol Its like i cant even go to gym or CVS without "gaydar" going off lol
Theres nothing more fun that discussing equilibrium systems involving hydrocarbons on ffxiah in the gay forums.
Organic Chemistry~~~~ '-')b
@coming out
The only person I'd care about coming out to would be my mother - obviously never going to happen now.
Professionally and personally, it's really not something I'd broadcast.
Also,
This game is consuming my time during my break! @_@;
OK guys...I'm so confused right now... one of the comments on my rl pics is well...confusing....halp? its on this one http://www.ffxiah.com/screenshots/55140
jesus dude how old are you like 9
Sure why not -.- just because I never heard a song with those lyrics dosn't mean I'm a kid.
To anyone else who gonna troll me or otherwise attack me just PM me & don't spam this thread up ok?
lolwat
you look really young, idk anything about a song
if you get that upset over being told you look young idk what to tell you
ugh It was better off I never bothered, this is what happens if I get even a shred of confidence in myself. The internet is the worst place to show yourself...lesson learnt...only show pictures of myself to friends....not strangers who think you're ugly (which I am not) or think you are too young e-e
Sorry ffxiah, never again will I show myself unless its to friends.
I look forward to when the servers are turned on...many people to blist weather its trolls or pedophiles.
Damn I missed out on this discussion XD I would suggest pritty much the same as everyone else here, do it at your own pace. First of all make sure you are 95%+ comfortable with it though, odds are you are gunna run into someone who isn't happy about it when they find out and that will be much easier for you if you have accepted it compleatly.
Finding out went pritty much the same way for me to be honest. Part way through high school I found myself checking out (descritly) other guys as often as girls. Kept trying to deny it to myself then edvendually I just said Aww to hell with it I guess im bisexual.
I havn't done a comming out though so my adivice is limited mainly because i've never been with a guy in any intimate way. It would be akward if i told people, then after climbing into bed but not being able to follow through and had to tell people "you know that thing I told you about me liking penises... nvm". If someone asked me if I like men though I'd say yes... in fact im sure half the people I know, know it they just don't say anything (except for my friend Adam who is straight and is always telling me to come out... which I then remind him that I have never kissed a guy but there was the other summer where he got drunk and kissed me :P). I'm a very shy person though so if your a bit more outgoing you might prefer to tell some people about it. For me it's just that my friends and family don't really need to know, it doesn't change a thing about who I am, if they are perceptive they will notice that I take a second look at some guys as well as women . If there not they will find out if I ever have a boy friend XD
I deffinetly advise against the face book thing though, if your like most people you will have alot of people on it that you dont really know so you are just opening up yourself to alot of pointless trolling, I didn't even know facebook had an option for that tbh. Starting with your best friend is a good idea, I would have told my best friend back in high school but thing is I had a pritty big crush on him so I kept it secret to keep it from possibly being akward for both of us.
Anyways hope my experiences are somehow usefull to you.
ugh It was better off I never bothered, this is what happens if I get even a shred of confidence in myself. The internet is the worst place to show yourself...lesson learnt...only show pictures of myself to friends....not strangers who think you're ugly (which I am not) or think you are too young e-e
Sorry ffxiah, never again will I show myself unless its to friends.
I look forward to when the servers are turned on...many people to blist weather its trolls or pedophiles.
A couple years ago i was told I was a 40 year old traped in a teenagers body... Was funny because we got along really well and she had this absoulte hatred of teenagers XD
Just curious to see how many of us actually play FFXI. **Now, let's try to keep this clean, please don't respond if you have nothing nice to say.** :] Don't be shy, speak up! :D
EDIT: You don't have to be gay to post in here, if you want to be apart of our conversations.. feel free to join in! Don't be shy, we don't bite.. well some of us do! :] Anyyyyyways~! This thread has become a home to many from the LGBT community & even some from the straight community who are open minded and enjoy chit-chatting with us, :] so let's keep it drama free, we deserve a place where we can be ourselves without being made fun of/harassed.
